Earless
by KatsushigaHoshibi
Summary: Ritsuka comes to an emotional crisis where his heart is torn between Yuiko and Soubi. The sacrifice called Loveless must turn around to make a sacrifice out of love.


Earless: Those Without Ears

A Loveless Fanfiction

Written by Katsushiga Hoshibi

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Blood pounded in my ears as I sought to catch my breath. Soubi has just lit a cigarette without even a thought. His shrewd, calculating eyes pierced my very soul. My heart needed to stop beating as though it would explode; its hard thumping was beginning to hurt. Soubi didn't help my situation with his gaze, filled with a hardness I would never know and love I never wanted to know. Faintly, a blush had started to redden my face.

It had only been a year since I was made sacrifice to Soubi's fighter. One to do battle with words, the other to take the abuse of battle. Battles of spells, formed with poetic phrases. It was how we did battle as well as the enemy, the dread Septile Moon. In this past year, we hadn't found any new information about my older brother, Seimei, or the organization that killed him. We were still fighting that organization called Septile Moon. This last battle had been a climatic fight to track down information. In the end, we had failed to achieve our purpose as our rivals fled into the starlit night.

"Ritsuka, you've gotten better at this," Soubi commented. It was rare for him to actually congratulate me for anything in a spell battle. My job was simple. Stay still and take all the damage for Soubi while he fought. He was the adult, having lost his ears and tail to some lover long ago. I still had mine, still a virgin, still a cat boy.

"I don't want your encouragement, I just want to avenge Seimei," I shouted at him. Even in my anger, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was, his long hair cascading over his eyes, the limp cigarette hanging out of his mouth with the end still glowing crimson. He was the only man I loved.

When that thought crashed through my mind as a giant wave of depression, I thought of the only other person to have stolen my heart. Yuiko. She was a bit of a crybaby and never seemed to understand when to stop talking, but I couldn't stop this feeling in my heart. To be called Loveless was the most ironic name I could have ever been given. I wanted to be without love, yet I felt it without restraint. How I wanted that restraint.

"You're thinking of her again," Soubi bluntly stated as though he could read my mind. My heart faulted for a brief moment as my eyes widened. "I've told you this before, but Yuiko will only suffer if you continue to be involved with her. I won't tell you to stay away, but I don't want you to blame me if anything should happen to her."

My gaze slowly lifted to meet his own. Time seemed to almost slow down as his hardened stare bore into me. Another long, drawn out puff of his cigarette shattered the silence before he ran his fingers through my hair, drawing a long shiver from me.

"I know you'll do what's right."

Soubi turned and walked off, his shoes clicking rhythmically against the pavement. Slowly, I slumped down, my back against the wall. A heavy heart weighed in on my soul. Vengeance for Seimei had driven me to this point, vengeance for the only person who could have ever given emotional shelter to me. That was before Soubi, who loved me and I loved him. That was before Yuiko, who made no qualms about her love for me while I hid mine in a shadow deeper than night. How could I choose between the two people I loved more than life itself? Could I really give up on vengeance? If a deity had been watching my life, he could have only held a sinister intention.

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"Nietzsche said 'God is dead,'" I commented to Yuiko in an absent minded fashion, my head laying in her lap as I found myself sprawled out on a park bench with her. The full summer leaves cast dancing shadows over us in the midday sun.

"Yuiko doesn't understand," she started before I glared at her. I hate it when people talk in third person. "Um! I mean, I don't understand. What do you mean by that?"

Turning from her deep, golden eyes, I stared upwards into the canopy. "I wonder about my life, about being a sacrifice for Soubi. Is this what my brother wanted for me? What god would let this happen to anyone?"

She cradled my head in her lap. Yuiko smiled sweetly at me as what appeared to be tears started to build in the corner of her eyes. "Ritsuka should choose his own destiny. If you walked away from the battles, then no one will be upset at you. Soubi wouldn't. He… and I just want you to be safe."

"Do you ever think about our relationship?" I blurted out in one slurred together sentence. I'm not even sure it was understandable to her. Yuiko just blinked.

"You talked too fast," she said. Her eyebrows bunched up in confusion. If she were a little more flat chested, I could have seen her as very naïve and adorable. With how she looked at the moment, it made a flush creep across my face as I thought of the various ways I could lose my ears to her.

Rolling over onto my side, I forced myself to look away. I needed to be serious. Thinking of her as some slab of meat wouldn't help me to think straight. I lay there for a minute, focusing on nothing but the rustle of the leaves and the dancing waves of a nearby pond, glittering gold and silver in the noon sun.

"Do you… ever think about us?" She had even taken my head into her lap without thinking twice about it. If we were that comfortable with each other, then surely she must have some idea of what she felt towards me.

"Ritsuka is Yuiko's best friend," she calmly and slowly stated. I didn't even take the time to glare at her, hearing that had hurt too much. More softly, she continued, "you never noticed anything more."

"But maybe I had and maybe I was scared. Things have just been too weird in the past year. Ever since I met Soubi, I don't think it was possible to have a normal life."

When I rolled back over to look at her past those two desirable mounds, I found a puffed up Yuiko. Whatever it was, she was either annoyed or angry with me. Probably both.

"Ritsuka didn't have a normal life before Soubi. Ritsuka never smiled and never let anyone get close. Ritsuka even used Yuiko when it suited Ritsuka," she said with tears in her eyes.

Sitting up, I faced her, my face inches from hers. Had I caused all of this hurt to her? I didn't want to honestly know. Shyly, I looked around to find no one in the nearby area. My hand went to her knee.

"I'm sorry, Yuiko. I never wanted you to hurt. It should never have been like that. I just didn't know how to act. I still don't know what is going on with my life, I don't even know if I'll be alive tomorrow. I'm sorry."

I kissed her.

Pressing my lips against hers felt so very, very right. She must have felt the same as her body melted against mine, her hands running up my shirt to rest over my heart. With one arm, I drew her closer, feeling her petite frame barely hidden under the midriff shirt. My free hand traced its way from her cheek to her cat ears, playing upon them delicately. I had kissed Soubi before, but I never knew it could be better with a girl.

Time seemed to fade away into infinity as we enjoyed each other's caresses. Her tongue flicked against my lips, coaxing me into parting them. As my mouth slowly opened, our tongues met each other. Even with Soubi, I had never gone this far. Fighting back my youthful desires to thrust my hands under her shirt or down her pants, I simply let myself fade away into the embrace, putting all other desires aside.

Pulling away, my eyes slowly opened to meet hers. An adorable scarlet blush had decorated her cheeks. I stared into her eyes, seeing all the love that she felt for me, wondering if I held that same very expression. In that moment, I knew that I wanted her to be mine forever. Soubi as a man could never fill the gap that Yuiko was made for as a woman.

"Yuiko… Can I visit your house tonight? Your parents are gone for the week-end, right?" I stumbled over my words a little. I couldn't believe what I was suggesting.

She blushed deeper in response. "C-can you come over at four? We, um, can have dinner together," she stuttered. I knew she wanted the same thing as myself. We needed it, needed to make ourselves adults. Moving almost a little too quickly, she jumped up, bowed briefly, and sped off.

As I was sitting on the bench wondering what had just occurred, my cell rang. Looking at the screen, I saw that it was Soubi. I knew that it had to be something important for him to call me in the middle of a day on a Sunday.

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Metal steps always hurt my feet. Slowly dragging myself up to Soubi's apartment, I couldn't help but try to suppress a sigh. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him; it was that I didn't know how to explain what happened with Yuiko. If I was sure about anything, it was that I hoped that Soubi's friend wasn't around.

Adults never made any sense to me. They condemn guy on guy love, but then they go and do it anyways. Soubi's friend had accused him of pedophilia with me several different times. I don't think it really mattered if I was a guy or a girl; I was just competition to him, all for Soubi's love.

I shook those thoughts aside as I knocked on the door. I knew I didn't have to go through with all that formality, especially as Soubi had a fondness of simply entering my room through my window, but today I needed to be firm. The door slowly slid open to reveal Soubi staring at me with those hard, fast eyes hidden behind his suave glasses.

Sometimes I wondered if he loved me at all when he looked at myself with that gaze. Whether he was born with that look or Septile Moon gave him that piercing gaze; it didn't matter. It made up a part of the man that I loved.

"Come in, Ritsuka, I want to talk to you," he said calmly. I numbly wandered in. Part of me wanted to run, part of me wanted to cry, and a last part of me wanted to hate him. I was always like that.

Sitting down on a chair next to his bed, I looked up at him without saying a word. I had learned from previous visits here not to sit on the bed. Sometimes I wondered how I was able to keep my ears for as long as I have.

"So, how is Yuiko?" How could he say that so calmly, without a flex of emotion in his voice? For a moment, I wondered if he knew about what happened in the park. Another cigarette found its way to his mouth, making him bleed of sex.

"She's fine," I said as I lowered my gaze. This is not what I wanted to talk about with him. I was going to her apartment in another few hours, probably to lose my ears to her, and I definitely didn't need this conversation.

"Listen, Ritsuka, I don't want to make you feel as though you need to choose between your current life and Yuiko. You're very important to me, the only person who could ever be my sacrifice now," he said as he lowered himself closer to me. Soubi's proximity made my heart burn for him. "Yuiko is my friend as well. I don't want to see her hurt and I know you don't want that either."

"Why are you saying this, Soubi?"

"Because I want what's best for you." Soubi kissed me then. Unlike Yuiko's moist and soft lips, his were hard and callous. As always, I fought against the kiss. I couldn't melt into the embrace. I knew I loved him, but I couldn't love him like that.

Breaking away, I glared at him. The red on my face was from anger, not from embarrassment or love, but raw anger. "I HATE it when you do that! Don't kiss me!"

Soubi smiled. How could he remain so calm? Was my heart some game to him? I never knew the truth and today would be no different. Maybe tomorrow would be the day that I played with his heart, showing him the new, adult me. Maybe then he'd stop playing around.

My heart faltered for a moment. How could I choose between the two of them? I loved both Yuiko and Soubi. Maybe it was two different forms of love, but I loved them all the same. I wanted to be older so that I wouldn't have to be so confused anymore. Shouldn't Soubi be more of a sage to me, an older guide to help me with my life? Instead he used his years to make me feel more confused, not less.

"I need to go," I said as I got up and started to make my way out the door, without so much as looking back.

"Be safe," he smiled at me. The emotion in his voice said it all. I faltered at the doorway for a moment. Then I made my way down those stupid metal steps as I started to wander through the town absent-mindedly.

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Four in the afternoon finally arrived. The tiled stairs leading up to Yuiko's apartment were much more welcoming than Soubi's metal steps. Instead of the loud clanging noise, all I could hear was the soft scuffle of my shoes. The summer air was heavy in my lungs as I resolved my courage. I needed this. I needed to be in her arms.

Seconds passed by as years after I pressed the doorbell. Licking my lips slightly, I waited for her to answer the door. Slowly, the door creaked open as her vibrant eyes stared outwards, the chain still holding the door in place. I couldn't really blame her. With the amount of crime in the city, I would have chained my door as well. Realization dawned upon her as she smiled and fumbled to unchain the door.

"Ritsuka-kun! You're finally here," she said as though I should have been here hours ago. For all I knew, maybe I should have been.

As the door opened wider, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into her home. Pressed that close against her, I couldn't help but smell the intoxicating odor of flowers. Maybe it was light perfume. It just made me want her more.

Yuiko's clothing didn't help to suppress my desires, either. Her tight denim skirt and her yellow flowy top that bared her mid-riff were just too much to ignore. Paired with thigh highs, it was difficult to control my youthful hormones.

Leading me to the living room, she sat me down before prancing off to the kitchen. I wondered what exactly she had in mind with sitting me down. Shortly after I started pondering what she could have been up to, she reappeared with a plate of sandwiches and two drinks. It was amazing that she didn't end up spilling the meal on me. In some grim way, I was impressed.

"I hope you don't mind eating early. When Yui- um, I was waiting for you, I made dinner for us," she said cheerfully.

"No, it's okay. I was hungry, anyways," I said as I took a sandwich. Ham and lettuce and mustard. A typical Yuiko sandwich. Due to some gross misunderstanding, Yuiko believed that I always had to have mustard on my sandwich. I never bothered correcting her. It would've been too troublesome.

As we ate, we talked about trivial things. Talk about whether or not we've even bothered to start the summer homework, how our friends were doing, the weather, and all that other stuff that never matters. Today, I was so nervous about what I wanted to do that I tolerated it more than I would have otherwise. I really wondered if I knew clearly what I was planning.

Yuiko cleared the plates away before coming to sit beside me. I felt the blush creep up my face. I knew that if I turned my head slightly away from Yuiko that I could have seen how red I was in the mirror. Curiosity had almost gotten the better of me before I turned to look her fully in the eyes.

"Ritsuka, is something wrong?" My eyes trailed up and down her body as she said that. How embarrassing. So I did the only thing I could think of. Placing my hands on the few inches of skin that her thigh revealed, I leaned in slowly. Yuiko bit her lip gently as her eyes shimmered. Then she slowly closed them to lean in for the kiss.

Our lips met in a tender moment of love. My tongue flicked against hers as I slowly lowered her to the couch, climbing on top of her. On her thigh, my fingers played with the edge of her leggings while my other hand slowly went up the back of her shirt to play along her vertebrae. I knew that I loved her more than Soubi in that instant. Nothing could have felt this right in his arms. I was only meant for Yuiko, the girl who had stolen my heart.

"Let me do it with you," I whispered as I nibbled her ear gently. She swallowed nervously and then nodded.

Nuzzling against her neck, I laid gentle kisses from her throat to her gentle lips. One last kiss and I was going to shed both of our ears that night. Tomorrow, I knew I would wake up an adult. For tonight, I would simply be a kid playing at a grown-up's game. In the end, it didn't matter. I was with Yuiko and she was all the mattered to me. The only person that would ever matter to me as time passed.


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